Everyone knows West Virginia University is better than Pitt at football. But not many know that a more generalized Mountaineer greatness extends to both the city of Morgantown and the entire state of West Virginia. In honor of West Virginia’s inevitable win in the Backyard Brawl on Saturday, here are the top 13 reasons West Virginia is better than Pitt, with no sarcasm.
WVU is a shining light in a world full of academics, free of the stress that comes along with a typical educational experience.
- WVU has an acceptance rate of 88%, and Pitt’s is 50%. Pitt’s student body is too exclusive, and basing its student population on smarts is very rude to students who are less capable of retaining knowledge. WVU circumvents this by letting in basically anyone.
- According to USNews, Pitt sits obnoxiously at No. 32 for public schools — WVU surpasses Pitt at No. 119. Attending an alleged top school like Pitt puts pressure on students. Students can have anxiety and stress because of a more impactful curriculum. Thankfully, things are more laid back at WVU. Its students are much more relaxed with their coursework.
- The Mountaineers offer approximately 450 clubs and student organizations at the Morgantown campus, and Pitt is home to almost 800. Talk about decision fatigue! WVU keeps it simple in terms of options, taking care not to overwhelm students with opportunities to network and form friendships.
- WVU’s graduation rate is 43% while Pitt’s is 71%. Student loans are so expensive nowadays. A great way to reduce the amount you take in your name is going to school for a much shorter stint by foregoing graduation at WVU.
- Pitt’s campus sits directly in the middle of the hustle and bustle of city life. Students at WVU clearly have it better — they get to enjoy the clean air, a quiet rural atmosphere and a brisk 52-minute walk to the nearest Dunkin’. How else would they get their steps in?
- The Mountaineer and Roc represent WVU and Pitt as their respective mascots. Imagine, deep in the mountains, a fight between the two — an armed strongman of Appalachia vs. a glorified house cat. We can all guess who the winner might be. The Panther — a big cat — is a stereotypical mascot, but a homeless man with a gun is novel and experimental.
Pennsylvania is the most mid state ever. West Virginia, on the other hand, is iconic. From hard numbers to more abstract comparisons, West Virginia ranks above the Keystone State.
- Starting with the state nicknames — what even is a Keystone? Sounds pretty made up, honestly. West Virginia, as the Mountain State, just sounds right — clear, concise and to the point.
- Pennsylvania sits at No. 17 at overall crime rates, and West Virginia is close behind at No. 19. In pop culture, crime holds a special place — not the Amish. Pennsylvanians are rule followers and goody-two-shoes. Mountaineers, on the other hand, like to live on the edge. Is that really a crime?
- The state of West Virginia does not have any major professional sports teams, while the city of Pittsburgh has three, and Pennsylvania has seven total. Major league teams are too concentrated here — West Virginia is a nice place to avoid the hubbub of real sports teams.
- James Buchanan, the 15th president of the U.S., hails from the Keystone State. There has never been a president from West Virginia. Political hopefuls can aspire to become the first President from West Virginia. Buchanan already claimed that spot for Pennsylvania citizens, robbing them of the title.
- Pennsylvania has 23 individual Olympic gold medals compared to West Virginia’s modest five. Winning a gold medal at the Olympics is just pretentious — clearly, West Virginians are far more humble citizens.
- Pennsylvania’s state shape is convoluted. What’s the deal with the top part? Just give it to New York. Also, is it the Northeast or Midwest? Make up your mind. West Virginia’s state outline is eye-catching and original in just the right way, and its name helps align it to a region — west of Virginia, obviously.
- Each college’s iconography is memorable, but in different ways. Pitt’s famed Cathedral of Learning is too phallic for a public school. It’s just a tall tower in the middle of campus — it’s obnoxious and reinforces the patriarchy. West Virginia’s Woodburn Hall is much more central to a college education. It’s on brand and indelible without inspiring dirty thoughts.
Pitt and West Virginia will battle it out once more on Saturday. When the Mountaineers win, it will be the final nail in the coffin for the Panthers.
The post Satire | Top 13 reasons WVU is better than Pitt — besides football appeared first on The Pitt News.