Here are 13 things I want you to stop saying and going this offseason.
As you may know, I like to write articles where I demand that Steelers fans and BTSC readers stop saying or doing certain things (when I’m not writing articles that simply make fun of them for that kind of stuff, of course).
This usually leads to some Steelers fans and BTSC readers getting offended and telling me to go pound salt.
It’s an exercise that has been going on for well over a decade.
I’m not going to stop, and neither are you.
With that in mind, here are 13 things (in no particular order) I’d like you, the Steelers fan and/or BTSC reader, to stop saying or doing this offseason.
“So we’re just going to accept mediocrity?”
Yes.
I know I’ve touched on this several times, but we really have no control over what the Steelers do. In fact, we don’t actually accept anything from them (again, other than the occasional free t-shirt). We accept mediocrity and success much the same way I am accepting the snow that is currently falling outside my apartment window. I can complain about it or actually cheer it on, but it’s still going to snow.
Believe me, if moaning and groaning on Twitter did anything, the Steelers would have about XIX more Super Bowls in their trophy case.
I know you’re entitled, but you’re also likely too young to remember those Super Bowl teams of the 1970s that you’ve attached your entitlement to. And even if you were around for those Super Bowls, you were probably watching them on television while drinking an Iron City and smoking a pack of Pall Malls.
“Stop riding his (bleep)/hugging his (bleeps).”
I shouldn’t have to remind you of this, but that’s never been acceptable language on a sports site, and it really hasn’t been acceptable language anywhere since maybe 1984—and only then if you were 12. I know you think you’re being all alpha when you say stuff like that, but you just look foolish and totally lacking in social awareness.
Posting links from Steelers De{redacted}
It used to be totally unacceptable to ever mention the p-word on sites like Behind the Steel Curtain, but then 2016 came along and changed everything.
As for sharing links from the SD-word? That was once an even bigger no-no. However, much like the p-word, people just started posting links from the SD-word all the time. Now, they do it like it’s nothing. You know how offensive that is?
Remember the time Ryan Clark was reportedly seen celebrating with his old home-state buddy, Ed Reed, in the locker room following Baltimore’s victory in Super Bowl XLVII? Do you recall how offended you were? Now, instead of Clark celebrating with a flock of Ravens, picture him celebrating with a flock of quacks. Even more offensive, right?
Stop doing that.
“Mike Tomlin won with Bill Cowher’s players.”
This one goes without saying.
“Loose.”
I can’t believe people do this. Of all the common spelling mistakes, this is the worst.
“The Steelers have won three playoff games in 12 years.”
Yeah, we know. I’m going to write an article about this in the near future (one that will offend you for telling you how you should feel), and it could open your eyes to some hard truths about NFL parity (in addition to offending you, of course).
“Belicheck.”
Google is your friend.
“Chuck Knoll.”
Sad.
“Oh, great, it’s the grammar police.”
I know you think this is a great defense of bad spelling and incoherent ramblings. However, being a bad speller is a lot like being chronically late: It’s only a thing because you don’t try.
“Behind the Steel Curtain has really gone downhill.”
You know how long I’ve been hearing that phrase from disgruntled BTSC readers? Since I first found the site way back in 2010. You know what that tells me? BTSC probably hasn’t gone downhill over the years. It’s kind of like how people hear an old song and say, “That’s back when music was music.” It’d be one thing if good music was confined to a specific decade, but there is someone on YouTube right now reacting to a music video from 2015 by saying, “That’s back when music was music.”
“If the Steelers bring back Matt Canada next year, I’m not going to watch.”
The Steelers are bringing Canada back for the 2023 season, and let me save you the suspense: You will watch.
Stop writing in italics as a means to let everyone know you’re just joking.
I know we live in delicate times, but if someone on a sports site can’t take a joke or doesn’t get your sarcasm, that is on them. If you’re going to joke about something, own it! Did Don Rickles talk in italics when he was roasting Frank Sinatra? Did Greg Giraldo joke in italics when he was roasting Flavor Flav?
I guess that was back when comedy was comedy.
And, finally….
Stop being offended by articles like this one.
Yes, I’m telling you what to do, but you certainly don’t have to do it (believe me, I have tried). Trust me, if I had that kind of power, three people would have the right to post anything on Behind the Steel Curtain. I’ll stop writing articles like this when you stop writing things like “this is total trash” as a response to a completely innocent piece about the time someone went to see a Steelers game with their dad back in 1996.
I realize I write “you” a lot, but that’s a technique I learned from the great Dick Cavett. It’s effective because, really, are you talking to “ladies and gentlemen” or just one person? If you don’t like that style, well, to quote Cavett, you can stick it where the sun don’t shine.
Name one time when I wrote about one fan in particular. Yeah, there’s Elrocco, but who can blame me? Other than that, I never get personal.
“Yeah, well, my grandmother smoked Pall Malls back in the 1970s!”
What’s your point? So did mine.