Much to the chagrin of most, BTSC’s Nostradumbass predicts the Steelers’ matchup vs. the Cincinnati Bengals
The Pittsburgh Steelers host the Cincinnati Bengals in a rematch of the Week 1 victory in Cincy. The Bengals will surely be hell-bent after the embarrassment in September, so this should be a good one. With inquiries, story lines, and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this challenging home contest.
For those new to the article I sometimes come close, but ultimately whiff on most of my predictions. Let’s see if I can get lucky this week.
- The Steelers attempt to beat the Bungles for the first time in 71 days is rendered a blow when the Steelers brass realize that they forgot to inform Danny Smith Jr. and the Special Teams unit that the game was moved up to 4:25.
- Art Rooney II corners Bengals owner Mike Owens and asks for compensation for signing Mike Hilton away. Brown concedes and gives Art 2 a voucher for a complimentary economy stay at a Cincinnati Hilton and a bootleg copy of Paris Hilton’s sex tape, “One Night in Paris”. Brown also promises never to poach Matt Canada.
- Boujee Smith-Schuster is banned from Acrisure Stadium and this joke is banned from BTSC.
- Ben Roethlisberger calls his own press conference to remind Kenny Pickett that he once beat Cincinnati in a playoff game without his best two running backs and not possessing the ability to raise his throwing shoulder even close to half of the optimum level.
- Pickett goes 25 for 38 and 210 yards. The Steelers QB1 throws two touchdowns, is intercepted once.
- Pat Freiermuth catches 10 balls.
- George Pickens catches a touchdown and to celebrate the touchdown and the 38th anniversary of McDonalds selling their 50 billionth hamburger, George has a ball boy deliver a sack of burgers and starts tossing them to a hungry and adoring crowd.
- Jaylen Warren scores his first NFL touchdown and uneducated fans rush to add him in fantasy leagues.
- The Steelers do not get called for “illegal man down field”.
- Najee Harris gains 80 yards on the ground and scores a touchdown.
- The Steelers get two sacks, one by T.J. Watt and another by Devin Bush Jr.
- Minkah Fitzpatrick does not play.
- Damontae Kazee and Cam Sutton intercept pick off Joe Burrow, but the Steelers defense still surrender two touchdown passes.
- The Steelers rushing defense falters as Joe Mixon runs for 130.
- The Steelers get three touchdowns on the day, and two field goals from Matthew Wright, but Wright misses a field goal and an extra point. The Steelers do win 26-24.
Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.