One brave pundit (me) puts the “mock” in “mock draft” as he panders to children around the world.
Are you a ten-year-old?
Do you want to see a mock draft where the Steelers take a highly-rated quarterback (or six)?
If so, look no further than this article. Just kick back, relax, and soak it all in as the Steelers select several players at coolest position on the football field…
(DISCLAIMER: NO TEN-YEAR-OLDS WERE HARMED IN THE PRODUCTION OF THIS ARTICLE.)
ROUND 1: Pick 1
I thought about having the Steelers trade away all of their first round selections for the next fifty years in a blockbuster deal to land Patrick Mahomes, but I ultimately decided that it was entirely infeasible. Instead, the Steelers are going to be looking for their next signal-caller in the draft, and who could be a better fit for for the black-and-gold than the most highly-touted QB prospect since Sam Darnold? Acquiring the first overall selection comes at a steep price for Pittsburgh (their first round pick every year for the next thirty years to be precise) but it should be worth it to land their quarterback of the future. As a nice bonus, the Jaguars even agree throw in Gardner Minshew. Yes, you read that correctly: the Steelers secure not just one, but two awesome quarterbacks by selling their souls to the Jaguars. In the end, it’s all worth it for the Steelers to obtain the quarterback with the most glorious mane since Ronnie Bass was forced to trim his locks in Remember the Titans.
ROUND 2: Pick 55
With several top quarterbacks already gone when the Steelers go to make their second pick, they all but sprint to the podium to select Mond, who is luckily still available. Though the pick could be considered by many to be a reach, especially when the Steelers already have so many good quarterbacks, there is no denying how cool Mond looks in this picture:
After observing this picture and several other, equally cool photos of Mond, I’m sure Steeler-nation will warm to him rather quickly.
ROUND 3: Pick 67
Unable to believe that someone as cool-looking as Mills was still available so late in the draft, the Steelers just knew they had to get him. Pulling the trigger on a trade with the Texans, the Steelers unload the rest of their draft picks this year in exchange for the ability to grab Mills. While not quite as awesome as Lawrence and Mond, Mills does have one massive advantage over the Steelers’ previous two picks: a manlier first name. Sort of. Maybe? It really depends on how you evaluate these things. Anyway, look at how cool he looks in this game against UCLA:
After trading up for Mills, the Steelers are left without any more draft picks. This leaves them unable to address any other positions of need, but also has the positive side-effect of allowing the black-and-gold faithful to move on with their lives after the third round.
With several awesome new quarterbacks joining the team in this scenario, the Steelers have to feel comfortable coming out of the draft. With Ben Roethlisberger, Mason Rudolph, Josh Dobbs, Dwayne Haskins, Trevor Lawrence, Gardner Minshew, Kellen Mond, and Davis Mills on the roster, the Steelers will be able to field an offense made up almost entirely of quarterbacks, and, as we all know, the quarterback is the coolest guy on the team. Furthermore, the quarterback has to know the offense better than any other player, so one can only imagine the benefits of having EIGHT quarterbacks on the field at any given time. Unfortunately though, the Steelers will run the risk of growing dangerously thin at the position if one of these QB’s finds himself on the injury report. Luckily, however, the team should be able to address the lack of depth at the position in the post-draft free-agent frenzy…
What do you think? Did the Steelers select the right players in this scenario? Will they be able to secure enough quarterbacks in the draft to address the clear need at the position? Should they have spent a few picks on other positions of need like the unimportant and uncool positions of center and offensive tackle? Make your voice heard in the comments below!