Much to the chagrin of most, BTSC’s Nostradumbass predicts the Steelers’ matchup in the season opener against the Bills.
The Steelers are back in action with a clean slate, but there are so many questions to be answered. With inquiries, story lines, and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this opening contest.
Last year, I came close, but ultimately whiffed on most of my predictions. Let’s see if I can rebound this season.
- While taking a stroll through the Bills Stadium parking lot, Boujee Smith-Schuster, not to be outdone by a labradoodle wearing a Stephon Diggs jersey, shotguns a beer, jumps off an RV into a flaming table, extinguishes the flames and proceeds to hump the leg of said labradoodles owner. Boujee doesn’t post bail until the second half.
- Ben Roethlisberger is sacked three times on the afternoon, but No. 7 throws for 320 yards and two scores against one pick.
- Former Steelers OC Randy Fichtner, watching the game out home, remains in game mode and reverts to his old routines. In doing this, Coach Randy decides to play it safe, turns off the TV, eats a bowl of Maruchan Ramen noodles and falls asleep. To date, it’s Randyland’s greatest playcalling to date.
- Chase Claypool catches one of those TD passes from Ben and proceeds to join in on a celebration orchestrated by JuJu Smith-Schuster as the Steelers receivers pay homage to the likes of Charlie Brown, Alvin Garrett and Art Monk by recreating their “Fun Bunch” touchdown celebration of the 80s. Why the tribute? Those Washington receivers were known as the Smurfs. 40 years ago on this date in 1981, the Hanna Barbera cartoon, The Smurfs, debuted on North American television on NBC.
- The Steelers’ fail to hold on to the football twice and a the turnover streak mercilessly continues.
- Percy Harvin III booms a punt for 60+ in his debut and nails two inside the twenty.
- With the Bills secondary paying attention to the receivers, Ben Roethlisberger has no choice but to continuously go to his duo of tight ends. Eric Ebron and Pat Freiermuth combine for nine catches and only one drop.
- Najee Harris gains 71 yards on the ground and 52 as a receiver out of the backfield and scores twice in his NFL debut.
- Terrell Edmunds picks off Josh Allen and FeDerius (No. 34’s given name) goes over to his brother, Tremaine, on the Buffalo sideline and taunts him. In retaliation, Fe’Zahn (Tremaine’s real first name) gives his brother an atomic wedgie and tells him to eat farts.
- T.J. Watt gets a sack in his return, but the Steelers only manage two on the day. The sack streak stretches.
- Definitely not a blowout, but the Steelers fall to the Bills 30-24. The rematch in the playoffs will go the way of the Steel though..
Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.